The Week-est Link
Long time no post.
I don't even have much to show for my time away from blogging. Except that my real driver's license arrived in the mail.
And I actually showed it as i.d. at the local Safeway. I tried to cover my picture with my thumb but the girlie behind the counter, who isn't old enough to drive incidentally, chided me and said, "Uhhh, Ma'am (you know you're old when), I need to see your picture to verify that it's you." To which I replied, "yeah, well the thing is, that picture is not really me."
Her look of alarm prompted me to further stutter, "I mean like it's me but it's not really me, you know what I mean? I don't really look like that." She studies the picture and then me and matter-of-factly replies, "Yeah you do." Thanks, bleach-blonde kiddo. I wish you a long, happy and prosperous life filled with a bunch of pregnancies, hormonal inconsistencies, decreased metabolism and your fair share of stressors. And then we'll see what your age 41 driver's license picture looks like, hmmm, shall we?
Great big sigh.
So anyways, all else is good. Plans are gearing up for the inaugural Secret Society of Beast Moms (SSBM) blogger mom getaway in Oregon in July. Christina, who is the Beast Mom (BM) herself, along with Becca, Jeri, and the close friend and sister of BM, Christine and Grace respectively, will all be in attendance. Tanya is sitting on the fence, having just moved to da Kota land.
I'm looking forward to hanging with these eclectic ladies - some who I've met and feel like I really click with ~ like the ever-zany Beast Mom, the bright and funny Jeri and the exuberant and real Tanya. And others, like Becca, who I feel like I know, having kept up on her blog for a year now.
My course is going well. And while I don't feel as though I have much in the way of tangible, measurable results (ie. weight loss) to show for this 'wellness' I'm feeling, I do feel like I'm in a much better head space and more healthy-minded as a result of working on my stuff and focusing on my vitality. I've been creating affirmations for myself which is a first, I've been consciously eating for perhaps the first time in my life, and I'm hyper-aware that the key to my success in this arena will remain my steadfast determination to stay focused on the journey rather than the end-result or destination.
Each week we the people (course participants), set goals and strategies for ourselves, which is what I most love about this course experience. Sometimes it's a course corrective strategy (ie. if I did not complete the task I set for myself the week prior), and sometimes it's about setting a huge, scary goal.
This week I committed to two scary steps. The first being that this would be the week we would finally transfer our savings cross-border, given that the exchange rate is at an all-time low. This first step is scary because it involves committing to living here, which we have been quasi-afraid to do so, because we have been feeling a less than positive vibe about how distantly polite local residents here tend to be. Friends and acquaintances have assured us, however, in the spirit of been there, done that - that it takes a good seven years to really settle in and feel a part of the local fabric. I've heard that from enough different people now that I'm resigned to the notion that this is a fact.
But I want a house mucho bad. I miss going to Home Depot and I miss seeing hubby putz in the yard and be Mr. Man about the house. And I think we could easily eek out another decade here without so much as blinking an eye. Time flies when you have kids.
So that's scary step numero uno. The second frightening step I've committed to this week is to run this week on one of my magnificent mile excursions. The kids and I have been heading down to the local high school track these past couple of weeks and doing laps. My daughter runs the entire track with a gusto even Forest Gump couldn't match. I, however, have been walking it. I've always been self-conscious about running because I don't believe I possess a good technique for it and I kinda think I look goofy and clumsy when I run. My son insists I don't look funny when I run but I feel like I do and because I've allowed this inner critic voice to become the expert on said perception, I've expressly avoided running all my life.
I invest a ton of useless energy worrying about what others think, despite 'knowing' that what others think is none of my business and 100% their's. It's what has kept me away from the gym for eleven months (worried about running into my personal trainer) until last week (last week's scary step was showing up at the gym and guess who I avoided but ended up on the treamill two away from me? - zoiks!) and it's what stops me from really, fully participating and 'showing up' in many scenarios and moments in my life.
So this week I'm going to begin running. It will be a cool running. Well, OK so it's probably going to be a rather uncool running but I'm going to turn it into a cool running. I'm going to pretend that it's the final stretch of my Olympic run and the entire world is waiting for me to cross the finish line. I'm going to set my daughter up at the mock finish line how ever many feet ahead that might need to be, and I'm going to have her outfit me with my gold medallion for my efforts. Now this may only be a one minute jog - I'm not sure - at this point I just want to get over my initial fear and resistance.
Anyhoo, that's this week's story and I'm sticking to it. Wish me godspeed, courage and in the case of my run...the grace of a gazelle.
Posted by Holy at 8:19 AM