3/8/07

In the Outhouse

Guten tag und velcum to das outhaus.

This may, for a time, feel like a place at the far reach of civilization - like a last known outpost or relief centre. The wind has been known to howl here on this stretch of barren land that surrounds the schmidt shack. And when it comes in slant as it's be known to, it whistles a weird song through the cracks of the barnwood, the open-air window, and the moon cut-out above the door; and sets the door flapping in its gusty coattails.

It's at odds with its natural surroundings, this little haus here on the prairie. This reality brings an eclectic assortment of critters who come sniffing around, looking for signs of life and death. But stop by occasionally and you'll see - it's really quite the in place to sit, sloth, purge, graffiti, and ratiocitate. Not necessarily in that order, of course.

Which is really just a quaint way of noting that if you hang around awhile, you'll begin to notice that schmidt is gonna happen here. You can be sure of it.

Because walls talk. Always have. Beyond the graffiti lives tales as agitated as poltergeists. Even in the quietest moments. And philosophical brilliance is born in such moments and in such places that seem to crop up in the middle of nowhere. Out of nothing.

This is a nice segue into what led me here to this little blight on the blog prairie. I had this other outhaus in the netherlands of the prairie regions but it was starting to get a little large and cluttered. And there were long, slow lines to get in the door and passwords to be whispered and it all got rather tedious.

An outhaus is as sacred a bit of profane space as there ever was. It needs to be a place where you can get in and out quick before anyone gets hurt. And I don't know about you, but my feeling on outhouses is simply this: if you're going to own one, you need to keep it clean. Simple. Organic.

So without further ado, I'll finish nailing the Welcome sign to the door go pick some wheat stalks and bundle some wild flowers for the window shelf vase.

17 comments:

Gelati Farms said...

Hey Schmidt...

New blog and I forgot how to spell your name. It took me three tries to get Schmidt right...

This new biffy looks great...even has that new biffy smell...of course, it won't be long until Schmidt happens and things will start to get funky...

OK...I am off to bed. Had the B.I.G. Soph third birthday party and I am partay'd out.

Natalie said...

We went to Costco yesterday. Little did I know that I'd be sacrificing that HUGE package of tp for an outhouse-warming gift. I didn't have time to wrap it but, here ya go. It's industrial strength so you can use it for any kind of clean-up. ;)

Not one to put a damper on your new "biffy" (thanks A) smells but... I also put some patchouli incense matches on the top shelf. Yet another just in case item...

Welcome to the playground!

VENTL8R said...

I'll bring the stirry stick to keep the pot smelling....uh, biffy?

Becca said...

And I left some reading material so that you will be entertained while in the outhouse and keeping it smelling all biffy!

Lynn said...

Spiffy biffy, Schmidt-y!
Sorry, couldn't resist. I'll leave my contribution of scented soap, a few jugs of distilled water and a few handtowels on the shelf.

Alison said...

Those of you NOT from Northwestern Ontario...a biffy is another word for outhouse.

At least it is on the Farm...

The Beast Mom said...

New vocab words, new blog, new post. Love it. Your blog is always one of my favorites. Thanks for the new address info.

Have a great Friday!

-beast mom

Jeri said...

From my days at scout camp, outhouses and Pine Sol go together. So, I'm leaving you a economy size jug of the stuff as an outhaus-warming gift.

No, no - don't mix it with spiced rum! Sluice down the haus with it, and then pour the suds bucket down the hole. It adds a singular overlay to the aroma...

I'm reminded of Anne Lamott - a huge thanks for the recommendation! - and her insistence that she finds God in bathrooms.

Personally, I read Entertainment Weekly and Budget Travel, rather than commune with God in the biffy. To each her own. Got room for a bookcase? And a magazine rack?

mannyed said...

As promised, I come bearing Dunkaroos. Is it wrong to bring Dunkaroos into the outhouse...err, biffy?

Jeri said...

One more comment... ran across a very intriguing, thought provoking post today on another blog I read, by a lit journal publisher/new author. She writes about boundaries, distance and balance when you put yourself out there in the e-world.

access, access, access

Thought you'd enjoy it!

Jeri

s- said...

Blogger? *gasp*
I still can't believe it, but this does reek a little less than MSN Spaces.

Enjoy your new home, happy Schmidting...

See you around!

Alison said...

Holy...

Just checking to see if anything new and exciting has been going on in the outhouse...but it looks like all's quiet on the Loo front...

Simply Hollie said...

WElcome to yr new out house, sh I have a wee house over in this filed too......oh I'll bring my own TP!

KC said...

I grew up with a biffy... even have pics to prove.... Let me tell ya... all natural, organic and the lines - not so bad. Who wants to spend THAT much time in an outhaus? But I must admit... this one here... is pretty spiffy and exclusive! Love it! Time will tell what is to be here... but for the time being - we can turn that wheat into beer and have few brewskies as we enjoy the sunset over this new outhaus!

Ciao bella,
KC

PS... The house of my dreams looked GREAT on paper ... BUT... the roof was leaking in two places with possible rotting, the basement was leaking, the windows needed to be replaced and it was knob and tube wiring - so... not so perfect after all. Sadly - the owner won't budge on the price either so not willing to incure all these extra costs. But - hope is not lost and luckily - there are PLENTY of home like it... up to code... in my price range... in my area. That... is the house of my dreams! The joys of house hunting!

Now off to the word verification process - they crack me up! But it took like 10 tries!

Thotman said...

Glancing about..., hmmm nice place ya gots here!...I brungya a gift(extending hand with bottle of off road diesel... err... kerosene)... for the house warming, dont drink it K?, cuz, someone has removed the warnin' lable.(in an effort to be chic)... I must say,

Of all the schmidt houses I have ever been in, this has got to be the finest schmidt house I have ever been in! (noddin' as if to reaffirm "yes it is"...)

I am looking forward to visits, rushes, reunions, neighborhood bbqs, and many other social gatherings at on or near this location in the very immediate future and beyond. I am beginning to understand why there is no sight quite as welcome as a quarter moon...

Anonymous said...

Hi Schmidt

Jungle Mama said...

Goeidag Holy,

Looks like a great beginning to a new blog. It's all nice and fresh and clean. I look forward to all the extra trimmings you'll be adding as settle in.

Doeii van het nederlands!