Long time no post.
I don't even have much to show for my time away from blogging. Except that my real driver's license arrived in the mail.
And I actually showed it as i.d. at the local Safeway. I tried to cover my picture with my thumb but the girlie behind the counter, who isn't old enough to drive incidentally, chided me and said, "Uhhh, Ma'am (you know you're old when), I need to see your picture to verify that it's you." To which I replied, "yeah, well the thing is, that picture is not really me."
Her look of alarm prompted me to further stutter, "I mean like it's me but it's not really me, you know what I mean? I don't really look like that." She studies the picture and then me and matter-of-factly replies, "Yeah you do." Thanks, bleach-blonde kiddo. I wish you a long, happy and prosperous life filled with a bunch of pregnancies, hormonal inconsistencies, decreased metabolism and your fair share of stressors. And then we'll see what your age 41 driver's license picture looks like, hmmm, shall we?
Great big sigh.
So anyways, all else is good. Plans are gearing up for the inaugural Secret Society of Beast Moms (SSBM) blogger mom getaway in Oregon in July. Christina, who is the Beast Mom (BM) herself, along with Becca, Jeri, and the close friend and sister of BM, Christine and Grace respectively, will all be in attendance. Tanya is sitting on the fence, having just moved to da Kota land.
I'm looking forward to hanging with these eclectic ladies - some who I've met and feel like I really click with ~ like the ever-zany Beast Mom, the bright and funny Jeri and the exuberant and real Tanya. And others, like Becca, who I feel like I know, having kept up on her blog for a year now.
My course is going well. And while I don't feel as though I have much in the way of tangible, measurable results (ie. weight loss) to show for this 'wellness' I'm feeling, I do feel like I'm in a much better head space and more healthy-minded as a result of working on my stuff and focusing on my vitality. I've been creating affirmations for myself which is a first, I've been consciously eating for perhaps the first time in my life, and I'm hyper-aware that the key to my success in this arena will remain my steadfast determination to stay focused on the journey rather than the end-result or destination.
Each week we the people (course participants), set goals and strategies for ourselves, which is what I most love about this course experience. Sometimes it's a course corrective strategy (ie. if I did not complete the task I set for myself the week prior), and sometimes it's about setting a huge, scary goal.
This week I committed to two scary steps. The first being that this would be the week we would finally transfer our savings cross-border, given that the exchange rate is at an all-time low. This first step is scary because it involves committing to living here, which we have been quasi-afraid to do so, because we have been feeling a less than positive vibe about how distantly polite local residents here tend to be. Friends and acquaintances have assured us, however, in the spirit of been there, done that - that it takes a good seven years to really settle in and feel a part of the local fabric. I've heard that from enough different people now that I'm resigned to the notion that this is a fact.
But I want a house mucho bad. I miss going to Home Depot and I miss seeing hubby putz in the yard and be Mr. Man about the house. And I think we could easily eek out another decade here without so much as blinking an eye. Time flies when you have kids.
So that's scary step numero uno. The second frightening step I've committed to this week is to run this week on one of my magnificent mile excursions. The kids and I have been heading down to the local high school track these past couple of weeks and doing laps. My daughter runs the entire track with a gusto even Forest Gump couldn't match. I, however, have been walking it. I've always been self-conscious about running because I don't believe I possess a good technique for it and I kinda think I look goofy and clumsy when I run. My son insists I don't look funny when I run but I feel like I do and because I've allowed this inner critic voice to become the expert on said perception, I've expressly avoided running all my life.
I invest a ton of useless energy worrying about what others think, despite 'knowing' that what others think is none of my business and 100% their's. It's what has kept me away from the gym for eleven months (worried about running into my personal trainer) until last week (last week's scary step was showing up at the gym and guess who I avoided but ended up on the treamill two away from me? - zoiks!) and it's what stops me from really, fully participating and 'showing up' in many scenarios and moments in my life.
So this week I'm going to begin running. It will be a cool running. Well, OK so it's probably going to be a rather uncool running but I'm going to turn it into a cool running. I'm going to pretend that it's the final stretch of my Olympic run and the entire world is waiting for me to cross the finish line. I'm going to set my daughter up at the mock finish line how ever many feet ahead that might need to be, and I'm going to have her outfit me with my gold medallion for my efforts. Now this may only be a one minute jog - I'm not sure - at this point I just want to get over my initial fear and resistance.
Anyhoo, that's this week's story and I'm sticking to it. Wish me godspeed, courage and in the case of my run...the grace of a gazelle.
13 comments:
BRAVO!!
I had a voice about 1.5 years ago that told me to find a church. Then it told me to start running. WHA???
I never fancied running in school but I started to. I didn't hate it as much as I would have thought. I even did a 5K on St. Patty's day last year. What a horrible experience.
Check out www.coolrunnings.com. Great site for runners, novice to marathon runners. I hung out in Newbie Cafe under "A-Weigh We Go." They might even remember me. I fizzled from running when my knees started to get achey. I've always been more of a walker. When I get going I walk around 4.2 mph and run at 5.3 - not a huge difference. Besides, I can focus on the scenery much more while walking instead of the pavement to make sure I didn't trip and bust something. Tried taking the dogs - neither one is a runner, either.
Ahoy Holy!
I don't know why I just wrote "ahoy", but I did. It just came out of my keyboard!
I am so looking forward to our summer getaway - to have time to hang out, talk, eat slowly, bury each other in the sand, and do whatever we want. I can't wait!
You are VERY right in what you say about people in this area being distantly polite. It makes me crazy sometimes. I miss having people ask about my life after I've asked them a ton about theirs. You know - ACTUAL two-way conversation (duh - how hard can it be?) I miss neighbors who aren't only interested in talking when there's an "issue" in the subdivision. I miss women who are weird and wacky and unafraid to look pathetically uncool.
Everyone's so...adult and shiny and happy around here. It's all a FRONT I tell you. A self-protective front.
I enjoyed coming to your house and getting a REAL slice of your life. It was a genuine pleasure. YOU are a genuine pleasure to be around. I look forward to being ridiculously silly and incredibly lazy on our trip. I look forward to sitting around in our p.j.'s and gabbing about life.
AH HA! THAT'S what's missing around here! No one feels free to sit around in their p.j.'s! Show their dirty laundry! Reveal a few skeletons...
Everyone just wants to look like the perfect Pottery Barn family here. We need more people who are willing to answer the door in their Chilly Willy Penguin p.j.'s and go running with their kids even if they don't have I-go-daily-to-the-yuppie-health-club-form. Who cares. Run Like The Wind Bullseye! You are you, and guess what? YOU ARE FANTASTIC.
-bm
Kristi: that's cool - I didn't know you were a runner slash power-walker.
I'll definitely check out that site. Maybe that's what I need....a running dog that will drag me along kicking, screaming and flailing.
PS - I missed your Friday pic again - I'm going to have to set a reminder appt. in Outlook so I remember to see what strange pic of the week you've found for us now.
PSS - thought of you this weekend and wondered how close you were to some of the tornado action.
BM: Ahoy, Capiton of the SSBM. I sure hope we find a deserted boat on the beach so we can pose in row, row your boat fashion. That would be a hoot.
Yeah, you know that's how I've been feeling lately. The extreme lack of two-way. I take a genuine and tremendous interest in others and I love complimenting people - always have, always will - people are fascinating creatures to me - but this is the first time that I'm feeling like it's not a reciprocal conversation I have with the various people I come in contact with here. I'm determined to keep doing my thing, without expectation of any interest in return but some days it's baffling and discouraging.
You're so right about the pj thing - in my old neighborhood, practically all of us thought nothing of going out to fetch the paper in our pjs. In this one, I feel a strange compulsion to change into Lulumon gear before doing so.
It is a front, you're right....a front born of projecting to the world an image not in congruence with the real, inner person. Half the reason I decided to audit the semester course I'm in is because it's a very 'get real' kinda program where only the inner, vulnerable person is expected to show up at each meeting. So it's refreshing to see that at least a few real people exist here. :)
The world needs more penguin pj's. Maybe I should learn GUMPtion and wear my pjs on my run this week. Hmmm....
Loved your i.d. story! I had to LOL and Mr. Monkey needed to hear the story. They can't just sit idly by while we laugh, can they? Then we need to make sure that it was actually good enough to warrant an outright laugh before we retell it to them for fear that they'll just give a fake snicker and look at you like you've lost a few more marbles. (Much like your running fear?) Anyway, he enjoyed it and got a genuine laugh out of it also. You never fail me, Holy!
As for the house and savings thing, I wish I could relate. Actually, I am sure we won't be here for another 7 years to figure out if we'll blend in, but I know if we did it would fly by in a blink of an eye. It really is scary to see your life pass before your eyes when you watch those babies grow into children whose height can now reach your chest. Where did all that time evaporate into?
And can I just second your fear of running? I hated watching my dad run. He always ran so funny. I never really mentioned this outloud because I was taught manners growing up (notice they didn't stick very long), but I will admit I was embarrassed to watch him run the bases on our co-ed softball team. Then just months, if not weeks, after I married this wonderful man of mine, he gives me a little laugh and cheers me on after what I thought was a nice run. Then he punches me with the compliment, "You know, you run just like your dad." I think I haven't run since! Go for the gold, Holy, and tell me how it felt.
Everyone is seemingly taking up running as their chosen exercise! I can't run - hurts too much being heavy chested and it is less than flattering... could poke an eye out - do permanent damage. I used to love running as a youngin' but the years have taken their toll - for now.
Good luck (godspeed & courage of a gazelle - all that fun stuff) with your plans/goals. I resisted moving to where I live now - took me a good 2.5-3 years before I started getting accustomed to the niceness but far from friendly blue-blooded town. Eventually I acclimated and its going to be 8 years in September. Time flies by! I understand all about the distant friendliness... but I think sometimes its in reaction to how much comparison we make and holding onto our life we just left. I know that was that for me... until I actually decided that I was going to be OK and happy here... I resisted it. I was very aware of the flaws, craving what I once had... but now I can't imagine what other life I would be leading had I not made the decision to move.
So... with courage and strength ... run with great passion and sheer determination - just because you can!
Ciao bella,
KC
(I look like a convict on both my DL and provincial medical card... oye!!)
Go Holy go! How awesome for you on your running goal. I do wish you not only the grace of a gazelle - but the courage to not be graceful at all whenever you darn well feel like it, as well.
It is hard connecting with people down here. Distantly, busily polite definitely describes it, although small-town Poulsbo is perhaps a bit more frendly. We moved here two years ago in June and I have met very few people. I need to get my butt out of the house more.
I miss my growing-up days when we knew everyone in the neighborhood. Although maybe, seen through the eyes of children, that was not entirely accurate and the adults were more isolated than I recall. For those of us that work or volunteer outside the home, office acquaintances are just not the same.
I'm definitely looking forward to the Cannon Beach trip!
Jeri
Go, Holy, Run Like a gazelle! I wish you courage, godspeed and all things good and happy. You should listen to your son...he's at that age he'd TELL you if you ran funny, because you'd embarass him and he'd definitely want you to stop.
I am so envious of your BeastMom trip, it sounds wonderful. I need a trip like you wouldn't belive...why are there no center of the States trips planned???? I definitely want to see Natalie stare down a bull...can I jump in the ring with the red cape? After Natalie's wooed and subdued him of course!
I believe in you, D. One hundred percent. You can do this. You can do that. You can do anything. So says Lynn in the Hat.
I was just thinking that... maybe the people, where you live, don't wear pj's... and you are better off not sharing that experience with them.
Down's around's these here's parts... we wear anything to bed and just call 'em pj's. This way, we are ready for anything, with the exception of our willingness to share our bed-head features.
I would think that Kentucky would be somewhere in the middle for everyone. HOWEVAH... they's be's havin' tornader's up 'der.
I truly believe the weather is a bit more enjoyable here in the Southwest. The chili is hotter and the weather is milder and the beers (which I don't drink but that's okay) are icy-cold.
And that ain't no bull.
Where in the hell did Lynn get a notion about me starin' down a bull? Or is there some other Natalie I don't know about?
I'd be willing to do it though... if it prevented us from being able to kabitz in our jammies.
;)
About the running:
May I suggest a canter? It's not exactly a balls-out run but then it's not exactly a fast walk, either. It's kind of a skip-run which is really fun... almost like a gazelle!
You'll need some new Keds or Chuck Taylors for that.
All the best and don't be pullin' yer ham out, Mmk?
:)
I wish for you all of those things my dear friend! It does take a huge amount of courage to move your accounts to another place - we never did close ours out in ND.
I really, really, really hope I can make it to see all of you! I know if I don't for some reason I will regret it! And I have some cute PJ's that I plan on wearing most of the time ;)
I completely agree with you about most of Seattle. I never really noticed it or was bothered by it until we moved back here. Now when I take Logan to the park I visit with everyone. And not just saying hi, we have real conversations AND they are complete strangers! I think it's easier being a SAHM when you still get adult interaction when you take your little one to the park.
Oh distant friendliness boy can I relate there ...I so still feel like a stranger even though I was born here in TO...
the society is meeting without me....wah!!!!!!!!..
Have a great mons day!
Your post reminds me of an old Bill Cosby routine of how to "run cool." Your talent for bringings us into your life is impressive, and I'm grateful, as you're the kind of person who I find wanting to know better. Thanks for sharing. And happy Mother's Day!
J.
Good luck with your running. Trainer-man makes all his fighters do at least 8 laps around the track per day... joy. I *know* I look stupid.
If you're running, that's more than the people staring at you are doing!
I think the photographers at the DMV must take courses on how to get the most unflattering pictures.
Also, if you do transfer your funds here & commit to living in the US of A... **puts up a big banner with WELCOME, SCHMIDTS! on it.**
All around, good for you.
Been there, done that, Holy! Being overly selfconscious, I mean. It was brave of you to offer that admission, and I'm falling in line right behind you as a fellow sufferer. My big issue at the moment is the excessive poundage pulling on my average frame; only exercise will solve the problem, but I'm too embarrassed to go to a gym. Soooo, I'll trudge along here at home until I can hold my head high at the local spa. If you can do it, so can I!
Marge
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